Last night at a Greyhound Bus hub I was sitting and waiting and reading when I heard a duo of giggles erupt below my chair. I found two young girls lying in a "P9" position, fondling each other's hands and each one whispering things that had the other erupting in loud giggles and the resonating "outside voice" that is usually found in trailer trash women.
Both "girls" were dressed in pink pants that hugged their baby-fat butt cheeks and black hooded sweatshirts that bore an effigy of Jack from A Nightmare Before Christmas. One was Caucasian and the other was real Asian. Both shared about three braincells, two vaginas, and one wardrobe. They tickled and poked and sang in a kind of manic daze, high on hormones that had no place to go but to their heads. These were the girls that would never look for or notice a man over five feet eight inches tall. These were the girls that would rather explore each other's nether regions or date smooth bodied emo-boys than spend ten minutes with any sick macho that dared to grow real facial hair.
Along came the mother . . . .
She was blond (faux real) and had spent the better part of an afternoon squeezing into jeans she stole from her daughter's closet; shifting and sucking until they clamped shut and left a circular life preserver of fat around her waist (perfect for rebounding off dank alley walls on a long walk home from the local biker bar).
She gathered the two girls, imploring them to behave, to stop singing, to stop freaking out the world . . . but to no avail. They swaggered onto a bus for Phoenix and I never saw them again . . . until I arrived in Los Angeles for Christmas.
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Tuesday
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RUETERS: Archeological find
INTERN STUNS ARCHEOLOGICAL COMMUNITY
Kathryn Borman was finishing her first week at an archeological dig just outside the French the town of Vergeinal, when, despite protests from instructors, she lit a cigarette near a newly discovered gas line. The resulting explosion killed Kathryn and three paleobotanists, but resulted in the most amazing archeological find since the resting place of Pontius Pilate's dog and, some are saying, the greatest scientific discovery since Hektor Lonzo’s theory on the disappearing non-absence of anti-non-dark-opposite-non matter in the electro fields of quark molecules.
The explosion unearthed three previously unknown dinosaurs, all completely intact and all shedding new light on the pre-historic world. Scientists have already classified the new creatures.
(1) Lacanadon: a tiny reptile with a spiny back and thirty foot tail.
(2) Camillian: a frail creature with two sets of female genitalia.
(3) Freudosaurus: a dinosaur with no eyes and boney plates on its spine that keep it in a rigid, upright sitting position at all times.
“It’s not just the creatures themselves,” says Frank Lee, paleopsychologist from
The fossils were discovered in what appears to be a pre-historic therapist office. The Lacanadon and Camillian were found on the floor near a granite chaise lounge. These two dinosaurs were in what scientists are calling a 69 B.C. position.
The Camillian was found carrying a gun made entirely of bones. The Lacanadon was shot through the head while, oddly enough, the Camillian appears to have died of loneliness.
A few yards away, the Freudosaurus appears to have watched the attack while wearing skimpy women’s undergarments, which might be the earliest known example of a Freudian slip.
Scientists from around the world are converging on the spot, and unsubstantiated reports indicate that Steven Spielberg is incorporating these new scientific finds into his NC-17 rated Jurassic Park 5: Attack on
Spielberg was unavailable for comment.
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