RUETERS: International Conflict

December 21st, 2006, 3:31 PM EDT

HUNGARY ATTACKS TURKEY

In a startling political move, the country of Hungary has attacked Turkey, for the stated reason of “extreme irony.”

“The irony shortage in Hungary has long been overlooked by the Bush Administration,” said Princess McQueen, political advisor to the mayor of San Francisco and three time champion of the Dairy Farmers of America Drag Queen Competition, “three years ago we proposed to send volunteer workers from Anorexics Anonymous, but no one listened.”

Meanwhile, the attack on Turkey continues. Civilians were pleasantly amused when Hungarian planes began dropping mashed potatoes and hot gravy over major cities, but soon ran inside after becoming “sufficiently annoyed.”

Countless reports indicated hundreds of innocent people are suffering minor scrapes and abrasions after slipping on cranberry sauce. H.E. László Sólyom, president of Hungary, has failed to claim ownership for any of these events. When he met with Condoleezza Rice yesterday afternoon he refused to answer questions, and when pressed by our Secretary of State he motioned to an intern who promptly threw a stick of butter at her head.

“Rice,” H.E. László Sólyom chuckled under his breath before escaping in a catering truck.

President Bush snapped into action, immediately sending troops into the area of conflict and earning immediate criticism from the Democratic Party.

“It’s much colder over there than in the desert,” said Al Gore. “My informants indicate that dozens, no, hundreds of U.S. soldiers are suffering from runny noses. It’s like the plague, my god people we’re living in the Dark Ages!”

The U.N. has taken its usual course of action by supporting the aggressor country; a television weatherman named Raine McCloud has flown in from Scotland and a man from France announced that he “sort of cares about what was going on over there.”

The outcome of these events is unclear, but experts believe once Hungarian troops have refilled their country’s irony supplies, they will return to their own borders.

“This is an act of terrorism,” said President Bush on vacation in Punjarra, Australia. “And it will not end until Hungary has filled its appetite for destruction.”